


Single White TV Host Seeks Invitation

by In The Boop Boop Room (norabombay)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, Even Hydra can't stand Bill O'Reilly, Except honestly, M/M, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Once the image is in your head it cannot be undone, What else is there to do in Vermont but smoke weed and plot evil?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:45:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7208258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norabombay/pseuds/In%20The%20Boop%20Boop%20Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prompt was made, for Bill O'Reilly/Bernie Sanders hate sex in the RNC bathroom. </p><p>This is that story. </p><p>Sad handjobs and all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Single White TV Host Seeks Invitation

Conservative television personality Bill O'Reilly has heard of this organization called Hydra, devoted to turning America into exactly the kind of place he wants to live. Yet despite O'Reilly's best efforts, no one will ever let him join the club. 

He's taken to whispering Hail Hydra to random men at intimate moments, hoping the orgasm he delivered will get him an invitation. (1) 

Which leads his infatuation with Bernie Sanders? His 2016 Presidential campaign and its ridiculous success can only be due to the help of a secret society - with tentacles devoted to taking out Hillary Clinton. (2) Bill O'Reilly is instantly hard at the very thought. Sure, Bernie represents secular humanism's fifth column, here to destroy America.

But no one who does that much damage to the Clintons does so without help. And Hydra hates the Clintons more than anyone else. There for by the transformative logic of a man with a TV show on Fox News, why Bernie must be Hydra! 

After the Sunday Morning show, Bill follows Bernie into the VIP restroom and throws the deadbolt. And then they done sex. 

The end.

But everyone felt guilty about it later. Bernie for fucking a Republican operative. Bill because he STILL didn't get invited to Hydra, just a lecture on single payer health care. Off in the distance Hillary cackled in victory.

 

(1)Bill O'Reilly has done more to prevent people from joining Hydra than anyone in recent US history. When issued an invitation by the real Hydra, the men have self-loathing thoughts of a half-assed hand job underneath an anchor's desk and run in the opposite direction. 

(2) Hydra does hate the Clintons. Post Presidency Bill Clinton spent a lot of time at global summits, secretly deprogramming world leaders. And Hillary Clinton? Hydra doesn't do well with women in power. They invented the vast right wing conspiracy, and they killed Vince Foster. (3)

(3) For a secret society Hydra seeks a surprising amount of recognition. What good is a global conspiracy of murder and torture if no one even thinks at the back of their mind that you might be behind it. Stupid KGB and RNC getting all the credit.


End file.
